"Marry Me Milo" and Double Band-Aids

“Marry me Milo” is my three year old host brother’s rendition of the super popular house song in South Africa that actually says “marry me my love”. He is just too adorable. And is like a broken record since the two things he will say to me are “ZOLEKA!” (my name) and “Zoleka, How. Are. Youuuu? I’m fine”. He yells my name because that is what all the other neighborhood kids do, and he asks me how I am because that is the only phrase he knows how to say in English. I am excited though because right before I left for my PC training in Pretoria he finally warmed up to me and didn’t seem scared anymore! Success! Andddd apparently when I was gone he kept asking when I would be back. Aw. Little buddy.

As I mentioned I recently got back from a week and a half training/mini-vacation in the big city Pretoria. Pretoria is near where our training was, and happens to take me over 20 hours to travel to and from. It is horrible. Luckily this time around I was on InterCape bus line instead of Greyhound. InterCape bus I have discovered is 100% more comfortable than Greyhound. It is also about R200 more each way. Good thing this one was on Peace Corps tab! It was actually a fluke that I was on InterCape, and while I was at the time really happy I was on it, it’s almost a tease because I’m probably not going to be able to afford it on my own. So next time while I’m on the uncomfortable Greyhound with my seat barely reclining, and ZERO leg room, I’ll be fantasizing about the time I took the bus where the seats reclined so far back you were essentially laying down. AND they had lots of leg room…

Training in Pretoria was really exciting. Peace Corps brought together all the 44 other PCVs from my SA23 training group and our supervisors. This was a really great week for my supervisor to get to chat and network with other supervisors, and for her and me to work on planning a project together. It was great practice for the next two years and all the other projects we will work on! It was also GREAT for me because I got to hang out will all my friends again! YAY! It was SO GOOD seeing everyone and learning about their sites. It’s also a good chance to just let off some steam, and my favorite - share stories of all kinds. The stories can involve anything but always center around the cultural differences (that’s what makes them so entertaining and makes us realize no matter how different our sites are…we are basically all experiencing the same things). The funniest ones are usually about harassment (that sounds weird but I'm not talking about scary harassment...). That reminds me – for the first time yesterday I had a stranger literally RUN up to me and ask to touch my hair. I couldn’t help it and replied “Well, that’s kind of weird…but yea go ahead”. Apparently my hair is really soft. I replied “It’s actually really tangle-y right now...but thank you...” only because I didn’t know what else to say. And then I felt stupid and she ran off. This is a great example of the harassment that most of us deal with. It’s not dangerous or hurtful…just sort of weird and (can be) annoying to deal with.

I actually don’t get harassed much. This is partially due to my proactive strategy (at least that’s what I think). I came into the situation (aka my site) with this attitude – I was simply NOT going to tolerate harassment. And, I am not worried AT ALL about “being nice” to potential harassers. I’m not rude, but I have a completely different attitude and persona when dealing with any males that are of an age that would try and hit on me. By attitude and persona I mean I will still greet them on the street (as is polite) but I won’t do it with the huge smile that I have when greeting a Gogo (grandmother) or even in the same tone. I can’t be sure if it’s entirely my strategy or a combination of reasons but it has been effective so I don’t really care what it is! (I talked to my friend at training who has the same attitude about it as I do and she doesn’t get harassed really either so I think it’s our strategy!).

This doesn’t mean that I don’t get harassed by other people though. As we all know, I was having some issues with small children. That has long since stopped (thank goodness!). I guess they finally realized that I am – in fact – extremely boring to watch. It was actually pretty weird once I realized that I didn’t have an audience to watch me make dinner every night. No little kids ever bother me now (besides being the neighborhood alarm for me coming down the street as echoes of ZOLEKAAAAAAA can be heard from places I can’t even see).

And then there is the occasional woman on woman harassment. Like the time a lady stopped me in the street, tried to sell me a “gold” chain, and when I politely explained that “oh, I just really like silver jewelry” (not even true but I panicked!) she told me she loved me and kissed me on the NECK. The only thing I can do when a lady tries to get to close is laugh because I’m so taken aback by the situation. Lady on lady harassment was one of the fun issues we got to talk about together in training. It’s so unexpected (and for the record I'm not implying that these women are actually interested in me - I'm pretty sure in 100% of the cases it is just a different way of expressing platonic friendship-type love). Then there is the thing that really, (as an American who values her personal space) really freaks me out. When a woman is talking to another woman, it seems not only acceptable but normal that she at some point rest her hand on the other lady’s chest. I, thankfully haven’t really had to deal with this…but it’s one of those “cultural things” that we are SO different with in the US. Actually as we all expressed at training – personal space IN GENERAL is something that is culturally different in the US. Don’t even get me started on standing in “lines” (or lack of usually). : ) These are all the kinds of things that make it so fun and interesting to move to a new place! Just seeing how people interact differently. My inner sociologist has been having a blast!

I have found that having a sense of humor (about everything) has helped so much! I have also drawn so much from my studies in sociology (I’m kind of a sociology nerd so I love being able to see it in action!). Before I forget - the last story I have involves me, several concerned women, and my laundry. Since I have been at site I have been hand washing all of my own laundry. Now, I have SOME experience with hand washing laundry…although all of it involves items too delicate to be put in the washing machine at home like silk tank tops. Regardless – I’ve handled it just fine thank you very much (can you tell I’m slightly defensive about this…I’m trying not to be!). Well, this last weekend I had to laundry and it had been three weeks (due to being out of town, etc) so there was quite the pile.

Just as I was getting started my host sister had a whole bunch of guests over to eat lunch. I had two different ladies come up to me and tell me I was doing it wrong while demonstrating the “correct” way to do it. (Which I honestly still don’t see the difference. The only thing is when I do it I don’t splash so much and the clothes don’t make this squishy noise). So I said thank you, but I’m just fine – I tried doing it their way but like I said I thought I was - so I just kept on washing. A little later some neighborhood girls came looking for my host sister who wasn’t there. A girl that is approximately 11 then began to tell me I was doing it wrong and show me again. At this point ANOTHER woman had already lectured me on how it was wrong (and the first two had criticized my method for what seemed like forever) so I was a little annoyed. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I said “Do I come to YOUR house and tell you how to wash YOUR laundry? No, so please don’t tell me how to wash mine.” She apologized (and so did I) but she made sure to tell me I was still wrong. Well, for a while I was brewing about this injustice in silence and the humiliation of a child lecturing me on proper laundry methods when my fingers started to really hurt.

Turns out they were all correct as it got increasingly harder and harder to finish the laundry as I had rubbed part of my knuckles on six fingers raw with my method. Well. Flash forward to later that day as it was a burning pain whenever my fingers touched water. THEN flash forward to me having to put a band aid on each hand to avoid the pain that came when my fingers brushed against anything (which happens a lot more than you realize I promise you). I really could have put three band aids on each hand but decided to just do one on each ring finger as that was the finger most affected (this decision was based on the fact that in my PC Med Kit there are only enormous size band aids so it would have been impractical). Now, three days later they still hurt a little bit, but I can touch water without pain. Today was the first day I went without the double band aids, and I have been applying antibiotic like mad. It looks like I have burns on six of my fingers. I am now committed to learning the “right” method to clothes washing by hand. Until I hear the squishy noise I will stop at nothing to achieve this goal!